I wrote at the start of 2011 that, "At some point, I'll look back at 2010 and say "that wasn't SO bad." That time has come. I'm not exactly sure when that time got here, and interestingly enough I also sort of forget the parts that I thought would be "the good moments" from that year. At this point, I'm completely free to re-shape 2010 in my mind to whatever the hell I want it do be.
I certainly hope that at the end of 2012 I can say the same thing about 2011. For all I said in that post on January 1, 2011, that I felt I had not yet made the next step, it's still true. Maybe it will always be true. Maybe that's a defining characteristic for me, that there's always more for me to do or achieve. I notice that I said then that I didn't feel I had progress from 2010, though in the prior paragraph I said that I had gotten a raise and added a new job, and worked my ass off. Really, all three of those things are progress, in a way.
I'm not sure what to think about the end of 2011. I get a sort of vague sense that 2011 started out just fine. It rolled along until we had to call the police on a guy at the bowling alley. I have had the same relationship going since some time in March. This year seemed to fall apart at some point this summer.
I think it's difficult when you have done something long enough to have expectations about how things are going to go and then those things suddenly change and it's not at all like you thought it was going to be. The bowling alley was like that this summer. That is to say, there were a lot more people in the bowling alley this summer than there is in a typical summer, and for various reasons: the weather was pretty crappy this summer, we offered 100 free games a month to league bowlers (and league bowlers increased 10% over the previous year), we offered two free games to every kid under 15 with coupons that could be printed online.
I had expectations for myself to complete certain work tasks that simply could not be completed as normal with as many people in the building as there were. Knowing that I had to dust the ceiling, coupled with the knowledge that I couldn't get to it at the moment made it sort of hang over my head, if you'll pardon the pun. Meanwhile, I was doing some really good/interesting work with the Storm cutting and preparing audio and then saving our bacon that one game in August when we had a big system failure, and I was enjoying working up in Everett at baseball games. When some guys at the bowling alley walked out on a $200 bowling tab while I was working on fixing a pinsetter, I was already not feeling good about myself and my job, although I also knew I was good at my job.
I left the bowling alley job in August to look for a more career-oriented position as well as to address a personal matter, and that pretty much sealed the rest of my year; looking for jobs, having part-time and temporary gigs, being stressed out about money, and now moving out of my apartment.
At the start of 2011, I made a list of goals. Six of them, to be exact:
- I would like to continue to live independently of my parents.
- I would like to start a new full-time job in 2011.
- I would like to be in a fulfilling relationship at the end of 2011.
- I would like to purchase a nice new laptop in 2011.
- I would like to become stronger in 2011.
- I would like to continue to improve at bowling in 2011.
At the end of 2011, it's looking like I'm only going to reach two of those: be in a fulfilling relationship and continue to improve at bowling. The trouble is, I'm not feeling all that confident about the second one. I will claim it, though, considering I did roll a 300 game this calendar year and I did score an 800 series (ring still coming).
I'm going to be living back at my parents' place to start the new year and probably for a couple of months into 2012 while I find a full-time job and purchase the nice new laptop I've been wanting. It's conceivable, I suppose, that I could do two of those in short order if the right job comes along. I'm definitely willing to borrow against future earnings to buy my new computer if the job I get is full-time and looks decent. After that point, I will probably stay with my parents for a little while to rebuild the savings that I'm spending right now while I'm not working hardly at all.
I could claim "mitigating factors" in the goal to be stronger because of my knee causing me problems while bowling; it has made me more reticent to do exercises, even though playing Hail to the Chicken or running while playing flag football has not seemed to cause it any harm. That wraps up all six goals rather nicely.
Let's count those goals as unfinished business and get back on the trail with a little more purpose.
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